.
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With a great sigh, I collapsed into my bed. Every muscle protested in rebellion and my tired brain seemed tied up in knots. Tears stung the back of my eyes, but I was too tired to even cry.
It was the middle of a busy week – Wednesday, to be exact – and it felt like it should be Friday. Already I had reached my limit and my date with my pillow was long overdue.
As I sank back on the disheveled covers that had been forsaken in great haste that morning, my mind flashed the scenes from the past couple of days. Shuffling papers, answering phones, painting walls, cooking food for a crowd, meeting with people, juggling details and learning a new job had taken more energy than I had to give. The fulfillment that used to come from being “busy” had turned into the tyrannical dictator of exhaustion.
As my brain drifted out of consciousness, I had a sinking feeling in my heart. Even with all that had been accomplished, I still felt like I had failed.
What is wrong with me? I moaned inwardly. Sleep overcame before I could answer.
The next morning, the cruel sound of the alarm clock jolted my senses all too soon, I once again found myself at work… still rubbing sleep out of my eyes. The question that haunted my dreams the night before returned. Why do I feel like this? I am doing what I’m supposed to do … serving God. Isn’t that supposed to make me fulfilled?
In the back of my mind, I knew otherwise. I knew that at the end of the day, it’s not enough to have a busy life. Even a busy serving life.
With a guilty sigh, I opened up my Bible … trying not to think about how many days had passed since I last truly read it, beyond just the routine reading. Ouch.
God had someone for me to meet … again.
We had met before. In fact, I could see her profile in much of my life, even though she lived and died around two thousand years ago. She was the one “distracted with much serving.” (Luke 10:39). In my mind’s eye, I could see her slaving over the menus, checking the vegetables to see if they were overdone, making sure the plates were out on the table on time. I could see the pile of papers in the back office, silently screaming for attention. I could see her calendar that was filled with red markings and circled events – trying making sure nothing fell through the cracks.
It all sounded way too familiar.
Jesus had this gentle rebuke for his weary and frustrated child: “You are anxious and troubled about many things, but one thing is necessary.” (verse 41) I love the tenderness and compassion that comes through His words. He knows that we as busy people tend to find our identity and affirmation based on what we accomplish. Serving? Yes, it’s a good thing. But He cares more about our hearts than about our actions. He wants us to focus on the one thing: Himself.
As I read through the story and saw the contrast between Martha and her sister Mary, I thought about what it means to live and work in the presence of Jesus.
When we go to church, we enter into a sanctuary (a refuge, a consecrated place) to worship the Lord. Living our lives out in His presence is living a “sanctuary life.” This is a heart attitude that goes much deeper than our “to do” list.
There is a daily battle that is raging inside of us over what we love most – God or something else. If Jesus doesn’t have our hearts, then everything that we do is simply wasted energy. What He really wants are servants who are willing to sit at His feet – to have the continual attitude of communion with God regardless of the activities that surround our day. He then becomes the strength and the joy behind the work that our hands find to do.
That is the kind of life I want to live.
