This morning, I woke up to the bright sunrays dancing off the walls of my bedroom. For the first time, I didn’t have to wonder where I was. After several weeks of seeing those same sunrays dance off of hotel rooms, guest bedrooms, and church walls of India, I am now back in the place I call home.

It’s a good place to be.

Many people have asked about my travels. “So, how was it??” Oh, the words can never say…

Did you meet any interesting people on the airplanes?

My favorite was the dear elderly lady during my flight to Portland who was estatic about the possibility of Jesus coming back while we were in the air. :)

How did you like the food?

If I could spend my life eating with my fingers like they do in India, I would.

Did you see anything interesting?

Do mountain ranges, three oceans, volcanoes, and wild elephants count?

I love the questions. Even if I don’t have answers. But one reoccurring question that I can never seem to really answer is this:

Are you back to normal yet?

Normal.

I’ll have to think about that one.

It’s true, I’m over jetlag. I’m not stared at in the grocery store anymore. I’m not swatting mosquitos, running through jam-packed traffic, or hearing security guard whistles in my sleep. I’m sleeping in a bed, driving my car back to work, laughing with my brothers, and doing all the things I did before (although I’m still taking those malaria pills!) I’m back in the familiar places with the familiar people. I know those dear people mean well when they ask about my physical wellbeing. But deep inside, I know that my normal – my spiritual “normal” – will never be the same… nor should it be.

Traveling is a very reflective exercise. Since my feet have been on solid ground for many days now, I’ve had time to think. I’ve gone through my pictures, re-read my journal, re-lived the memories, and have done a lot of talking with my Father about it all.

Being back home launches me into a new kind of journey … that of reconciling where I’ve been with where I am. That journey alone has possibilities of changing my life all over again.

It’s hard.

In India, I was a person with one mission, one goal. The people there didn’t know anything about me except that I was from America, I had two hands, and I was there for them. The past was irrelevant and the future was unknown, but the present was a new adventure every day with God. I would see new places, touch new hands, look into new eyes… and see Him in it all. I was surrounded by people who passionately loved God and desired to see His Word spread – and it was contagious. In the mornings, He would meet me though His Word on the roof and give me new vigor and perspective about everything in life… in that faraway place where I was undistracted and completely surrendered. I was totally and completely there.

It was beautiful. It was humbling. And I want to be that person…

Here

The problem with “normal” for me is that it is just the opposite. “Normal” means reverting back to yesterday, conforming to what is usual and average, and forgetting the things that have changed. Normal means living a life just like everyone else on the planet, caring about the things they do… living normal lives, experiencing normal problems, dying normal deaths. I’m scared of being normal.

I don't ever want to forget those faces that have woven their way into the depths of my heart…

…or how powerful it is to worship our God together, regardless of race, language, or culture

… or what it’s like to spend every day focusing on proclaiming Christ

… or the humbling realization that God is choosing to speak through someone so inadequate, worthless, and helpless as I am

... or what it’s like to see through His compassionate eyes… to see real people and not just the sea of faces

… or what it’s like to face battles larger than myself and to see His victories

… or how life changes with an eternal perspective

… or that Jesus is enough for me.

It’s that kind of change that keeps me running back to the Cross, continually realizing my own sinful nature and the high calling of being different for the sake of Christ. Continuing that kind of mission vision here on my home missionfield requires a continual surrender of will and a reliance on His grace… but it’s the same, because He is the same God both here and there. That is the sweetest thing in the world.

May I never forget. And may I never be normal again. :)

~ Beth

"Seek ye first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things will be added unto you" - Matthew 6:33